The Cobblemonster 2026 on my G-Line a day early!

The official Cobblemonster event is happening today, but I had other plans for Sunday, so I decided to tackle it a day early. I set off bright and early on my G-Line, arriving at Barbican, conveniently along the route. I figured I’d start and finish there. After a few quick adjustments I’d prepared the day before, I loaded the route… and off I went.

'The Cobblemonster’ is an event I’ve taken part in many times - so many, in fact, that I’ve completely lost count. It used to be called the ‘London Classic’, and I do know I completed that back in 2013 (a simpler time, when my legs were younger and my memory better). It’s essentially a ride around London inspired by the Paris-Roubaix- famous for its cobbles, rattling bones, and testing one’s life choices! If you look closely enough, London has plenty of similarly charming (brutal) old surfaces, and the route seeks them out with suspicious enthusiasm, throwing in a few lung-busting hills for good measure.

London was pleasantly quiet for much of the ride, though I’m fairly sure I wasn’t the only one with the Saturday workaround idea. There were a few other cyclists dotted along the route who looked equally determined - or equally confused.

The G-Line performed admirably on the cobbles (and on London’s impressively terrible road surfaces). The wider tyres, larger wheels, and more upright position made things far more comfortable than my standard Brompton setup. Comfortable of course, being a relative term when you’re essentially being gently jackhammered along historic streets.

I thoroughly enjoyed the route, stopping frequently for photos - far more than made it into this blog post. The weather was kind too, holding off the rain until I reached Crystal Palace, and even then it barely tried. A very British drizzle - more polite suggestion than actual rain.

Crossing the Thames via Tower Bridge, I found myself south of the river. Much of the route winds through South London, and the stretch from Greenwich to Dulwich is, shall we say, character-building. Still, there was plenty to see and photograph between the potholes.

There were some satisfyingly punchy hills along the way. Nothing completely outrageous, but enough to remind you they exist and that gravity is not your friend. Maze Hill, usually busy with traffic, was eerily empty. One cobbled incline in particular always adds a bit of spice because apparently flat suffering isn’t enough.

Then came Canobie Road. I stopped at base camp for the obligatory photo of my Brompton leaning heroically (or wearily) against something solid. The climb begins steeply and features a blind left bend which, upon rounding, reveals an even steeper incline as if the road is personally offended by your optimism. I’m convinced this is the toughest climb on the Cobblemonster, but reaching the top is always worth it. The official route even suggests, “look behind you!” and rightly so. The view north offers a fine spread of London landmarks. I nearly whispered, “see you soon,” but settled for a few photos instead.

There were a few more climbs, including Eliot Bank, which is incredibly steep and even comes with a gravel warning on the GPX route always reassuring. The G-Line handled it well. After that, some welcome descents followed. I paused for a photo of Crystal Palace, then continued into Dulwich Village. At Dulwich College, I stopped again - because P. G. Wodehouse studied there, as did Sir Ernest Shackleton. Bob Monkhouse and Nigel Farage also went there, but I chose to focus my thoughts firmly on ‘Plum.’

The ride concluded at Herne Hill Velodrome, where participants today can ride a lap of the famous track. It was full of younger riders zooming around with confidence, even using the high banking, something I’ve never quite summoned the courage to attempt.

From Herne Hill, I headed back north via Waterloo Bridge, feeling noticeably happier, possibly because the end was in sight. I’d covered just over 32 miles, tackled a respectable number of hills, and endured more than enough cobbles to last a lifetime (or at least until next year). At Farringdon, I stopped for a quick bite before cycling home.

On the cobbles front, it’s a shame that many of London’s historic streets are losing theirs. Unless they’re protected, they seem to disappear. Understandably, perhaps, given that many boroughs struggle to maintain modern roads, let alone heritage surfaces designed to torment cyclists. Still, it’s a loss of character. And possibly of future suffering opportunities.

The Cobblemonster is a wonderful event, and I’m sure plenty of riders today will be out raising funds for Wheels for Wellbeing. Here’s hoping it returns next year and that I manage to ride the official version… rather than sneaking in a day early like a cobble-dodging time traveller.

Until next time, stay safe out there people!