Chaotic Cycling on a Brompton Through London Rush Hour

If you have read any of my ramblings, you will know that I live and cycle in London. Normally, my cycling adventures take place during quieter hours (assuming such a thing exists in London). Recently, I had to cycle during rush hour, and I thought I would share my experience - and what an experience it turned out to be!

I have lived in London all my life. I was born in a London hospital and have never ventured too far outside its bustling confines. In fact, I even attended university in London, as the thought of spending three years anywhere else was simply unbearable! Cycling has always been my chosen mode of transport in London, and I consider myself somewhat of a seasoned cyclist. However, nothing could have prepared me for the madness that is London during peak commuter hours. So, in the spirit of sharing this, here are the top five things I gleaned from my chaotic rush hour experience.

1 Reaction Times

If you are one of those diligent types who actually pause at traffic lights when that little red signal appears, then brace yourself! For the frenetic cyclists around you (and believe me, there will be plenty during rush hour) waiting for the green light is akin to anticipating the start of an F1 Grand Prix. The slightest hesitation when the green finally appears results in a cacophony of tuts, shouts of “green!!!”, and a plethora of expletives that shall remain unmentioned here. You would think they were watching a Grand Prix rather than a traffic signal! It appears that one now requires the reaction times of a Formula One driver to survive the ordeal.

2 Red Lights? What Red Lights?

Red traffic lights, the supposed guardians of order on our roads. However, during rush hour, they seem to be merely suggestions for a select few. Some cyclists stop, while many others carry on regardless, treating the red signal as if it were a vague guideline rather than a command. For those who do choose to wait, the tension is palpable; you can almost see the steam rising as they will the light to change. And, as we’ve established, once it does, you’ve already guessed what happens next. Cue the reaction times of a Formula One driver!

3 “Never Tell Me the Odds!”

There’s a classic scene in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ when the Millennium Falcon dares to navigate an asteroid field. C3PO informs Han Solo that the odds of successfully making it through are 3,720 to 1. In London, especially on any of the cycle lanes, you become Han Solo; you find yourself in your very own Millennium Falcon, with the cycle lane transforming into that treacherous asteroid field! Bicycles are zooming past you as if on a mission; some are headed in the opposite direction, while others block your path at crossings. Add in the cars and pedestrians who appear to have an odd allegiance to the dark side, along with the occasional stray bag blowing across your route or a wayward dog on one of those extendable leads, and you quickly realise that the odds of successfully making it through London’s rush hour are decidedly worse than that calculation of 3,720 to 1!

4 The Tour de Farce

Many commuters, in their fervour to join the evening's Lycra-clad festivities, change out of their work attire into what can only be described as torture devices. I have often suspected that the clothes they carry in their rucksacks are just as horrendous. These cyclists seem to think they are competing in the Tour de France, oblivious to the fact that everyone else on the road is merely trying to get from A to B without requiring medical assistance.

5 Hire Bikes: A Tourist's Tool of Terror

Much like navigating the perilous asteroid field, a hire bike demands your full attention. The riders of these supposed “convenience” vehicles often include tourists who, it appears, have not touched a bicycle since they were eight years old. They certainly do not choose to hire a bike at 2 in the a.m., when the city is slumbering, but rather during the heat of rush hour. Perhaps they believe that the adrenaline rush is the ultimate London experience? Some say you never forget how to ride a bicycle, but I would beg to differ after witnessing their shaky attempts to navigate the mayhem.

Thus, as I reflect on my tumultuous journey through London’s rush hour, I find myself both amused and bewildered in equal measures. Cycling in this London remains an adventure, as long as you embrace the madness should you stray out into cycling during rush hour!

Until next time, stay safe out there people...especially during rush hour!