Lycra: A Fashion Statement or a Cry for Help?

Back in April 2024, I wrote a blog post I simply titled, Lycra! The link to that post can be found HERE. I am afraid that I am back to writing about what cyclists wear, and I warn you in advance, many of you might not be best pleased. Here we go.

I rarely cycle in and around Richmond Park nowadays. It is south of the river and all that, and I normally only go as far south as Barnes and the surrounding area. A few weekends back, however, I found myself at the north end of Richmond Park, and I could not help but notice the attire of the Lycra brigade - for want of a better collective noun. I was not impressed.

First off, there does seem to be a certain amount of arrogance emanating from this group towards anyone who dares to enter Richmond Park, Saturday or Sunday in the early a.m. on anything other than a road bike and clad head to toe in Lycra. Those of a certain age might recall the professional wrestlers, Big Daddy, Cyanide Sid Cooper, or perhaps Kendo Nagasaki. I mention these names from the distant past because I saw very similar outfits on people cycling around the park. I am, of course, in no way disparaging these fine wrestlers of yesteryear, but I am making the comparison between what they wore and the truly terrible sights on offer that particular day. 

The annual naked bike ride in London is one of those events where people who are normally as dull as ditchwater think that cycling around in either nothing or next to nothing will render them more interesting. It doesn't. The tightness and ill-fitting nature of many Lycra outfits on show doing laps around Richmond Park was a little like stumbling across the naked bike ride inducing the same reaction and screaming out, “My eyes!”

Give me the elegance and élan of those who frequent the Tweed Run any day. I felt a slight air of superiority (not just as I was on my Orange Titanium Brompton) but also because I was wearing lots of tweed and footwear of the brogue variety. If you are taking part in a sportive or cycling in a race, I fully understand the clothing choices. Cycling around a park or doing laps of Regent’s Park? I do not.

So, dear readers, the next time you don your Lycra and head out for a spin, spare a thought for those of us who might be left with a lasting impression that could rival the most shocking of fashion faux pas. Perhaps consider swapping the spandex for something a tad more tasteful? After all, cycling should be about the joy of the ride, not the horror of the outfit that make the owner of it look like they should have walked out of the Pineapple Dance Studios. For the last time, having a road bike and Lycra that could almost certainly stop ones circulation, does not mean you are on the Tour!

Until next time, stay safe out there people!