The Brompton Café Lock: A Conundrum in Cycling Security

The great thing about owning a Brompton is that when you reach your destination, you simply fold and take it with you. The rather vulgar business of locking up your small-wheeled wonder to a lamppost, café table or chair, or heaven forbid, a railing, is something other members of the bicycle community do. That is certainly how I have approached things; however, Brompton have recently released a ‘Café Lock.’

Now, I have taken my folded Brompton with me to some rather choice London establishments. I recall the day I collected one of my pens from the Montblanc Boutique in New Bond Street after the nib had been swapped out. The security guard did not bat an eyelid, proceeding to watch over my bicycle as if it were his own child. I remember attending a talk at the Royal Geographical Society with one of my Brompton bicycles. My bicycle was whisked away, and to this day, I still do not know whether the gentleman who took it off me placed it in the cloakroom or went for a few laps around Hyde Park! I suppose what I am trying to say is that I have never wanted, nor have I ever needed, a lock.

Actually, there was one occasion (please note the use of the word, one) where I used a small combination café lock to secure my Brompton to the luggage rack of a train that stopped at Bristol Temple Meads. That lock was rubbish, and I remember wrestling with it, struggling to get it to open. Thankfully, after a considerable amount of under the breath curses, I managed to free my beloved bike, but I have not used a lock since.

Enter the Brompton Café Lock. It touts itself as a ‘…low security lock for when your back is turned.’ Turn your back on one’s Brompton! The mere thought of it leaves me aghast! The little bright red cable seems designed more as a decorative ribbon than a real deterrent against a thief. I imagine a hardened criminal would not need anything as hefty as an angle grinder or bolt cutter; a stout pair of nail clippers might do the job just as well!

But wait, it gets better. For the not-so-inexpensive sum of £75, you must replace your existing seat post with the one that comes as part of this package - obviously, this involves the cable being integrated within. Now, I must ask: what do you do with your current seat post once you have replaced it? 

I cannot see any of my Brompton friends parting with their hard-earned cash for this, but now that it is out there, I can picture some enterprising type producing a lighter version in an array of colours, or offering one that is simply ‘blinged up,’ to use common parlance.

For those eagerly seeking details, the Brompton website does contain information about this peculiar contrivance; however, if I was desperate to replicate it, I might be inclined to utilise either the belt around my waist or the tie I was wearing.

In conclusion, the Brompton Café Lock is, in my humble opinion, a rather amusing addition to the cycling paraphernalia market and although it looks good and is integrated seamlessly into ones Brompton, I will not be ordering one. 

Until next time, stay safe out there, people!